Laura Pennington

As a pageant contestant, I have the unique opportunity to reach out to a great deal of people. This is such an important aspect of the program to me, because I have for years been advocating on behalf of young women as well as families affected by domestic violence. Domestic violence is widely misunderstood, wrongly categorized, and heavily blanketed. For these reasons, it's a complicated issue for people to understand. My goal is to increase understanding and to work towards programs and legal steps that decrease domestic violence. 

 Breaking the Silence:

Domestic Violence Awareness and Prevention

 What is domestic violence? Frequently, people refer to DV as the physical abuse that happens between a man and a woman. There are a number of errors in this definition. DV extends far beyond physical abuse, and domestic violence doesn't discriminate on gender, race, economic, or class lines. 

The real definition of domestic violence is any pattern of behavior that is used to gain power or control over an intimate partner. Those words power and control are key- and they explain why violence affects everyone from teens to married couples. 

 There are a lot of common questions I get about domestic violence. As I mentioned above, this is such a complicated issue that it's difficult to have cut and dry answers. 

What are the warning signs for  domestic violence?

-It's important to remember here that there is a difference between an isolated incident and a pattern of behavior. If you find yourself consistently feeling one of the ways listed below or being treated one of these ways, you could be a victim of domestic violence. 

 If your spouse:

• Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
• Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
• Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
• Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
• Does not want you to work.
• Controls finances or refuses to share money.
• Punishes you by withholding affection.
• Expects you to ask permission.
• Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
• Humiliates you in any way.
• Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
• Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you.
• Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
• Scared you by driving recklessly.
• Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
• Forced you to leave your home.
• Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
• Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
• Hurt your children.
• Used physical force in sexual situations.

You can see where those words "power and control" are so key to the definition of domestic violence. DV can be physical, emotional, and even financial.

So why doesn't the woman/victim just leave?

Imagine yourself in the same situation. Potentially part of a family, with children and pets. Your finances at least partially tied to this person you at one time loved.  Women who leave their abusers are sometimes at a 75% greater chance of being killed by their partner than those who stay. Abusive behavior is typically followed by "honeymoon" behavior- the abuser retreats, apologizes, showers the victim with gifts, or promises not to do it again. In the heat of the moment and with these facts in mind, it is difficult to make such a monumental decision for safety.